• ABOUT NCC
    • Who We Are
    • Meet the Team
    • Los Angeles Headquarters
    • San Diego Meditation Center
    • Sister Centers
  • GET INVOLVED
    • Courses Available
    • Mantra Group
    • Meditation Events
  • PHOTO GALLERY
    • Past Meditation Events
    • Puja
    • Life Release
    • Collection
    • Sister Centers Activities
  • BUDDHIST RESOURCES
    • Go Deep
    • Original Articles
    • Original Videos
    • Original Chanting And Mantra
    • Ritual Recitation
    • Other Resources
  • HOW TO
    • Participate In Meditation Events
    • Participate In Mantra Group
    • Join Onlin Lessons
    • Volunteer
    • Donate
    • Get In Touch
← Back Home / BUDDHIST RESOURCES /Original Articles / Body

Over A Decade of Practice, Yet Still Unhappy Upon Seeing Others: What Went Wrong

2026-07-21 Translated by G and Huijuan Lu

We can observe that when some people meet, they appear resentful and unhappy toward each other. In fact, this is because their minds are bound and entangled by the forces of afflictions (kleśa) and karma (karman).

Among fellow practitioners, when they meet, they feel displeasure in their hearts. Outwardly they maintain politeness, yet inwardly they are filled with discomfort. To avoid this unease, they simply choose not to meet; even when forced to meet, they appear reluctant and resentful. This shows that there is no genuine joy or care in their hearts, and they have not reached what the scriptures describe as “none who do not abide in loving-kindness and joy.”

What is meant by “loving-kindness” (maitrī) is that when you see others happy, you also feel joy, and even wish to bring them happiness. It carries an element of rejoicing, but it is not the same as the “empathetic joy” (muditā) in the Four Immeasurables (caturbramavihāra).

It refers to feeling delighted when you see others have the possibility of gaining happiness, or have already gained it. For example, when grandparents see their grandchildren healthy, or parents see their children safe and well, a natural feeling of loving-kindness arises in the heart—filled with the wish, “May you be happy.” “Empathetic Joy” (muditā) means rejoicing when others have already obtained happiness; “compassion” (karuṇā) means wishing to remove others’ suffering when you see them in pain.

Many people fail to make progress in practice precisely because they lack a heart of loving-kindness. In this way, no matter how much meditation they do or how many texts they read, since their fundamental inner attitude has not changed, they will inevitably feel displeasure when interacting with others.

If one treats even the closest Dharma companions in this way, how can one speak of attaining Buddhahood or liberation? Some have practiced for more than ten or even twenty years, yet still treat their closest companions with unfriendliness, remaining deeply immersed in the experiential grip of self-clinging. (Here, “experience” does not refer to meditative experiences, but to attachment to the self.)

Moreover, always judging others from one’s own standpoint, with such judgments based entirely on one’s own interests and feelings—this is essentially selfishness. It manifests as never considering others, being unwilling to put oneself in others’ shoes, and even less willing to actively help others. They feel unhappy upon seeing others, yet still claim to have attained some level of realization.

One must ask: do you genuinely feel joy when you see others? Are you willing to help others? Even a slight personal loss for the benefit of others is unacceptable to you, let alone “completely sacrificing yourself,” as in the examples of Śākyamuni Buddha offering his flesh to feed an eagle or giving his body to a tiger.

If one lacks even the slightest intention to serve others, is unwilling to endure even a small loss for others’ benefit, yet constantly proclaims, “For the benefit of all sentient beings, I vow to attain Buddhahood,” then who is being deceived?

Worse still, some do not even feel joy upon seeing fellow practitioners and are unwilling to meet them; at the slightest fault in others, anger arises. In fact, if one notices a companion’s shortcomings and can communicate, advise, and help with goodwill, this is an excellent thing. Likewise, when others point out our own faults, we should try to accept it, rather than immediately thinking, “Why are you looking down on me?” or “Why are you always criticizing me?”

On the other hand, one should not constantly criticize others. Such matters should be left to the guru (ācārya) to handle. When Dharma companions criticize each other, it is often difficult for the other party to accept such criticism. However, in Vajrayāna, the teachings and corrections given by the guru are readily accepted by disciples due to the establishment of samaya vows, which were instituted by the Buddha.

Therefore, do not remain all day entangled in terminologies and conceptual views such as ālaya-vijñāna, manas, Svātantrika, Prāsaṅgika, or Dzogchen, while neglecting the heart of loving-kindness. Some have practiced for over ten or even twenty years—let alone awakening or attaining Buddhahood—if they do not even possess a basic good heart or kindness, is that not something to be ashamed of?

This article is a preliminary translation draft and has not yet been reviewed or proofread by the speaker.

  • ← Outward Is Consciousness, Inward Is Wisdom
  • Paths to Liberation for Lay Practitioners →

Comments (0)

Hot Articles

Yes, There Is Rebirth
Yes, There Is Rebirth
Guru Padmasambhawa Mantra Group Practice
Guru Padmasambhawa Mantra Group Practice
Amituofo Group Practice
Amituofo Group Practice
Cognition and Expression Part Two
Cognition and Expression Part Two
What Is The Seven-Day Meditation Retreat All About?
What Is The Seven-Day Meditation Retreat All About?

Related Reading

Even Conceptual Bodhicitta Is Precious
Even Conceptual Bodhicitta Is Precious
2026-07-21
Why Can Conceptual Bodhicitta Gradually Become Genuine?
Why Can Conceptual Bodhicitta Gradually Become Genuine?
2026-07-21
Three Ways of Generating Bodhicitta(Part One)
Three Ways of Generating Bodhicitta(Part One)
2026-07-20
Why Years of Bodhicitta Practice Haven't Worked?
Why Years of Bodhicitta Practice Haven't Worked?
2026-07-20
Most of the Bodhicitta We Generate Is Merely Conceptual Bodhicitta
Most of the Bodhicitta We Generate Is Merely Conceptual Bodhicitta
2026-07-14
Nagarjuna Cultural Center +1 (818) 466 9320 (USA) +66 093 958 5880 (Thailand) Email:[email protected]